


all we do is drive (all we do is think about the feelings that we hide)

by farfromthstars



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crossover Coda, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfromthstars/pseuds/farfromthstars
Summary: the drive back from texas is a long one, but buck has a lot to think about anyway. apparently, so does eddie.or: another follow-up on the crossover
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 444





	all we do is drive (all we do is think about the feelings that we hide)

**Author's Note:**

> many people have written great fics about this drive already, but i'm a very slow writer so here i am, late to the party with my own version!  
> thank you annika for your feedback & title help and thanks griffin for being the sounding board i needed. title is from drive by halsey, all remaining mistakes are my own.

“So,” Buck says after they’re finally on the road and the camp is no longer in view. John is driving and Sara is in the front with him, looking as dead on her feet as Buck feels. In the back of the truck, Rachel is listening to a podcast with her eyes closed, Greg is already asleep and Hen is - incredibly - reading something for her classes. She’s the most badass of them all, Buck thinks. Who else would be able to do coursework after almost dying in a wildfire? Eddie and him are sat next to each other and Eddie’s looking at him, raising an eyebrow for him to continue. “If we’re stopping in El Paso...that must mean things are going okay with your parents?”

Eddie shrugs, his shoulder knocking against Buck’s lightly. He’s much closer to him than Greg, probably so he won’t bother Greg in his sleep. “We’re getting there, I think. Or at least they haven’t criticised my life and parenting choices in months. And I didn’t want to risk them finding out I drove right past El Paso without even saying hi when I haven’t seen them since Christmas.”

“And they were okay with you bringing all of us?”

“I think my dad is pretty excited about having an excuse to throw a barbecue in the middle of a pandemic,” Eddie says with a small grin. “They said they were gonna put up a big table for us and sit at their own table at least six feet away. I guess it’s kinda sweet.”

“Yeah,” Buck mumbles. He still feels less than charitable towards Eddie’s parents, has done so ever since Eddie told him they wanted to take Chris away from him. And then tried to get the two of them to move back to Texas after Shannon died. If it’s what Eddie wants, then he’s happy their relationship is improving - but until he knows for sure, he’ll be suspicious of them.

They’re quiet for a while and Buck looks out the window, feeling the warmth where Eddie is pressed against his side, from their shoulders to their knees. It’s comfortable, and he can feel the exertion from the past few days catch up with him, his eyelids growing heavy.

He wakes up halfway to Hen’s low voice saying, “You know he drools in his sleep.”

“It’s not so bad.” Eddie’s voice seems to be floating somewhere over his head and Buck wakes up a little more, feeling soft t-shirt fabric under his cheek and the warm weight of an arm around his shoulders.

“Well, it’s your t-shirt,” Hen says doubtfully, and Buck blinks his eyes open slowly. 

Somehow, he’s managed to end up tucked under Eddie’s arm with his head on Eddie’s shoulder. This happens a lot on Eddie’s couch, but for some reason it’s more embarrassing in the back of their firetruck with half of their crew around. Awkwardly, he straightens up a little, mumbling, “Sorry, man.”

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Hen teases and ignores Buck’s glare. 

Eddie lifts his arm from his shoulder, shaking it out to regain feeling and giving Buck a smile. “It’s all good.”

Buck checks his t-shirt, leaning close to make sure he didn’t actually drool on Eddie, and straightens the collar he’s apparently pulled down in his sleep while he’s at it. He pulls away when he notices Hen watching them, but she just grins and goes back to her med school work. Eddie’s ears are red and it’s making Buck feel embarrassed too, wondering if he’s missed something.

He clears his throat. “Are we there soon?”

“Another half hour or so,” Eddie answers. “You were asleep for a while.”

“Sorry,” Buck says again. “You could’ve woken me up.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It wasn’t that uncomfortable once I got my arm free.”

No one seems to be paying attention to them, so Buck slowly relaxes, shifting into a more comfortable position with his shoulder against Eddie’s. Eddie smiles and knocks their knees together too. Buck pretends like it doesn’t make his stomach swoop like he’s a teenage girl in a fucking romance novel.

They’re quiet until they reach the El Paso city limits, and Buck can feel Eddie going tense.

“You okay?” he asks quietly.

“We always fight,” Eddie says just as quietly, a vacant look in his eyes. “Every time I see them, we end up fighting. And I just…”

He trails off, but Buck thinks he gets it. Eddie’s a private guy, of course he doesn’t wanna fight with his parents in front of half their station.

“It’ll be fine,” he tries reassuring him. “There probably won’t even be time for you guys to really talk. And if worst comes to worst...I’ll distract everyone, or something.”

All he gets in response is Eddie’s knee pressing against his a little harder.

They’re rolling through a quiet neighborhood now, low houses with wraparound porches on both sides of the street, pick-ups in driveways, the mountains in the distance a reddish brown. Eventually, they pull to a stop in front of a house that doesn’t look any different, except for the long table in the front yard. Eddie’s childhood home.

As they all jump from the firetruck, stretching tired limbs, Buck notices curious neighbors looking out of their windows, some even standing on their porches in the hopes of finding out what a LAFD truck is doing in their street. Eddie’s parents must not have warned them.

“Eddie!” a woman’s voice calls, and Buck turns to see Eddie’s parents stepping out onto their porch. He hasn’t seen them in over a year and a half, since Eddie’s ceremony at the firehouse, and only met them briefly there and a few weeks earlier at Shannon’s funeral, but they look exactly as he remembers them. Like nice, normal people. Eddie’s stories have soured the impression a little bit, but maybe he should give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they’ve changed, maybe they don’t want to take Eddie and Chris from him.

He turns to Eddie, who hasn’t moved, and bumps their shoulder together lightly. “You gonna go say hi?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. “Come with me?”

It’s only polite to say hello to your hosts, so Buck nods and follows Eddie towards his parents.

They stop a few feet away from them, and Buck watches as Eddie gives them an awkward wave.

“Hi Mom, hi Dad. Sorry I can’t give you a hug.”

“It’s good to see you, Eddie,” Helena Diaz says. “We’ve missed you.”

Eddie suddenly turns and puts a hand on Buck’s back, pushing him forward until they’re standing next to each other. “You remember Buck?”

“It’s hard to forget someone when they’re in every story you or Christopher tell us,” Eddie’s father says, and wow, Buck tries really hard not to take offence at the tone with which he says it.

Eddie’s hand twitches against his back and Buck, trying to avoid an escalation especially this early on, rushes out a, “Thank you for having us all, Mr and Mrs Diaz.”

“Oh please, it’s no trouble.” Mrs Diaz smiles at someone behind him and Buck turns to see the rest of the team gathering there. “Welcome everyone, find a seat! We’ve got enough hand sanitizer for everyone. Dinner will be ready soon.”

Buck squeezes Eddie’s arm once before following the others, leaving him to catch up with his parents. He finds a seat next to Hen, who nods towards the Diazes with a worried frown.

“Still some tension there, huh?”

Buck shrugs, looking over at them too. Eddie’s arms are crossed, still some tension in his shoulders, but they’re all smiling for now. “Yeah, I guess. They’re working on it, though.”

“It’s nice of them to feed us all, don’t you think? They didn’t have to do that.”

Buck nods, watching Eddie nod at something his father says and then turning to walk towards them. He catches Eddie’s eye and gets a small smile and a nod in return, which makes some of the tension drain from his shoulders.

Eddie sits down opposite him and Hen, leaning across the table to tell Buck, “Sorry about what my dad said earlier. I told him it was rude and he said he didn’t mean it like that, I think that’s as close to an apology you’re gonna get.”

Buck shrugs and says, “It’s okay, Eds, don’t worry.” It didn’t make him more forgiving towards Eddie’s parents, but he doubts they would care about that anyway. Besides, it doesn’t matter how they treat him - all he wants is for them to love and support Eddie the way he deserves.

Next to him, Hen is making a valiant effort to seem like she’s not listening to them, so Buck leans back in his chair and turns to her. “So Hen, how’s studying in the back of a cramped firetruck?”

Hen groans. “I know I said I’d take every extra shift I could, but next time I’ll think twice if it involves a goddamn 20 hour drive. I’m not sure the extra pay is worth all of this. I’m  _ tired _ .”

Buck wraps an arm around her and hugs her to his side. “Try and sleep some later, okay? I’ll take the next driving shift and I’ll drive extra carefully, promise.”

Hen laughs and reaches up to squeeze his hand on her shoulder. “Thanks, Buckaroo, you’re sweet.”

Under the table, Eddie’s foot knocks against his and stays there.

Dinner is a raucous affair, same as it always is at the station, and the food is good too, a hearty Texas barbecue. 

Eddie regularly has to get up to say hello to curious neighbors stopping at the edge of the property to find out why an LA fire crew is having a barbecue in the Diazes front yard, but he doesn’t seem annoyed by it. Buck’s sure that if it weren’t for the pandemic, there would be a lot of stories from Eddie’s childhood he would get to hear about today, and it gives him another reason to be mad at the situation. Eddie hasn’t told him a lot about his childhood, but Buck wants to know everything.

They can’t stick around long, so once everyone has finished eating, they help clean up as well as possible, call out their thank yous to the Diazes and give Eddie a little privacy to say goodbye to his parents. 

Buck climbs into the driver’s seat and waits for someone to claim the passenger seat, arguably the most comfortable seat in the truck - but no one does. He turns around and watches them all strap in in the back of the truck, no one even looking at him. Eventually, it’s Eddie who occupies the passenger seat, looking just as confused as Buck feels.

He pulls off the curb and Eddie waves out the window, his parents getting smaller and smaller in Buck’s rearview mirror. 

“If you want to talk,” Buck starts just outside of El Paso, mindful to keep his voice low enough so everyone in the back won’t be able to hear him over the noise of the truck, “I’m here to listen. Or if you want to be distracted, I can do that too. Or you could just sleep.”

Eddie throws him an amused glance. “I’m fine, Buck. I didn’t like how they treated you, but they didn’t say anything else, not about me or about Christopher. It’s probably just because there were so many people around, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“What did your dad even mean? What stories did you and Chris tell them?”

When he looks over at Eddie, the other man is looking out of the window at the setting sun. “Don’t let it get to your head, but you’re kind of an important part of our lives, Buck. Of course you’re in some of our stories.”

Buck bites his lip to tamp down on his smile a bit. He loves and hates when Eddie casually says things like that, because he knows he means them - just not in the way Buck wishes he would.

As night falls and Buck drives them across New Mexico, Eddie’s words keep coming more and more slowly until he finally falls asleep, curled up in the passenger seat. He’s wearing a sweatshirt against the night chill now and looks so soft Buck wants nothing more than to curl up with him.

Instead, he forces his eyes back on the road, thankful he slept a few hours earlier, semi-comfortable against Eddie’s shoulder. 

In the dark and quiet, the road empty and uneventful, he lets his thoughts wander. He’s glad they’re on their way back already, glad the fires are contained and relieved they’re all still in one piece, especially considering Hen’s close call. Still, there’s a ball of discomfort in his chest that he thinks he should try to unravel while he’s got the time.

In his mind, he traces their steps since they left LA - the long hours in the truck on the way to Texas, the smoke and humidity in the air when they arrived, the firefighters from all over Texas and other states. If he’s really honest with himself, he knows that he feels a little resentful towards Firefox -  _ Marjan _ -, which is unfair because it’s not like she did it on purpose. But Eddie went and teamed up with her and some other guys from her station, leaving Buck behind without so much as a warning. Which is also unfair, he knows that Eddie isn’t obligated to stick with him wherever they are even though they usually partner up and his time with TK and Mateo was fine, but it’s just...he wanted to do this with Eddie. He doesn’t like being apart from him when there could be danger, when he can’t have Eddie’s back like they promised.

So yeah, the source of his discomfort is probably that mixture of worry and jealousy, jealousy that spiked when he saw the two of them laughing together shortly before they took off. He knew this would happen, Eddie would meet someone, would flirt, but it’s easier when it’s an abstract concept and not happening right in front of him.

Buck grips the steering wheel tighter and sighs. Then there’s the fact that TK apparently thought he was flirting with him, which he wasn’t, at least not intentionally, and it makes him worry what he puts out there in the world. Is that why people sometimes mistake him and Eddie for a couple? Is he being too obvious? He’s always waiting for the day he gets too much for Eddie anyway, what if he notices and it’s the final straw?

“Fuck,” he mutters, his chest tight. 

The headlights illuminate the stretch of the road in front of him and everything else is black. Inside of the truck, everyone is asleep and it’s quiet except for the roar of the motor, which only serves to make him feel even more isolated from the rest of the world. Suddenly, Buck feels very small and very lonely.

Until they reach Tucson and its city lights, Buck busies himself listing the good things in his life, the people that keep the loneliness at bay, the happy memories he has. A lot of them involve Eddie and Chris, and he tries not to worry too much about losing them. He’s spent a lot of time talking through his fears with Dr Copeland, and they came to the conclusion that a lot of them are based only on his own insecurities and that he should probably talk about them with the people he cares about. He hasn’t really gotten to that point yet.

Once the streetlights make the dark outside recede, he starts feeling a little less insular. Every few minutes, he looks over at Eddie, the lights periodically illuminating his face and is suddenly filled with tenderness. 

Maybe it doesn’t matter so much what he is to Eddie. He always makes sure Buck knows he’s important to him, and Buck is as sure as he thinks anyone can be that Eddie won’t just up and leave one day. Maybe that’s enough.

Eddie wakes up when they’re leaving Tucson again, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“How long was I out?” he asks, voice rough.

“Couple of hours. We’re just past Tucson.”

Eddie yawns. “Sorry I didn’t keep you company. You alright driving?”

“Yeah, I was gonna drive another half hour or so and then have someone else take over when we stop for gas.”

He can feel Eddie looking at him from the side. “You sure you’re okay?”

Buck looks over at him for a second, the concerned look on his face, then back on the road. “Fine, why?”

“I don’t know, you seem...tense.”

“I’m fine, Eddie,” Buck sighs, and tells himself it’s not really a lie - he  _ is _ fine now that Eddie’s awake. “I’m- I’ve just been driving for like five hours.”

Eddie keeps looking at him and Buck wants to be annoyed Eddie can read him this well, but he actually really likes that they don’t have to say everything out loud. 

“Eddie,” he groans. “Stop. I don’t really want to talk about it while I’m driving, okay? It’s stupid anyway, I just did that overthinking thing I do again.”

“I’m sure it’s not stupid,” Eddie says, but at least he finally turns away. “Don’t think I won’t bring this up again later, though.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They’re quiet for a bit while Eddie searches through his bag, eventually coming up with a slightly squashed bag of chips. He rips it open and holds it out to Buck without a word. For a few minutes, they crunch the chips in silence, until all that’s left in the bag is crumbs.

“Anyway,” Eddie changes the topic then, “I heard you saw a dog driving a burning car out there? Or did someone make that up?”

Buck laughs. “No, actually. I can’t really believe it happened either, but this car came rushing down the hill, like, fully up in flames! TK had to push me out of the way and when we put the fire out, there was just a dog in there - the owner came running after, it was super weird.”

“TK had to push you out of the way of the car?” Eddie’s voice sounds weird, and Buck glances over at him, taking in the way his eyebrows are drawn in worry, the way his eyes flicker over Buck’s body as if checking for injuries.

“It wasn’t a big deal,” he says quickly, wishing he’d just left that detail out. “Nothing happened.”

“But- Buck. He wouldn’t have pushed you if it hadn’t been a close call.”

“Maybe,” Buck admits carefully. “But I’m fine, Eddie. I’ve got a small bruise on my elbow but that’s it, promise.”

Eddie’s jaw is clenched and he’s looking straight ahead when Buck glances over at him again. Buck reaches out to push at his shoulder lightly. 

“Stop worrying. You’re such a dad sometimes, I swear.”

Eddie glares at him, and Buck laughs. “Someone has to be. Giving Bobby the rundown of this trip isn’t gonna be fun.”

“Thank god Vasquez has to do that,” Buck says, lowering his voice even further, “maybe she doesn’t even know we stole that firetruck. You think she thinks it was an approved mission?”

Eddie grins. “Let’s hope it was chaotic enough at the camp that some things got lost in translation.”

Buck pulls into a gas station somewhere between Tucson and Phoenix not much later, the rest of the crew stirring awake in the back because there is no quiet way to pull this fire truck to a stop, the brakes screeching loudly. 

“Ten minute break, people,” Hen announces, rubbing her eyes under her glasses. “Everyone go to the bathroom, take a few steps, stretch, and get some snacks if you want, but I want you all back here in ten minutes, understood?”

“Aye, captain,” Buck says with a salute and a wink before he jumps from the truck, eager to move his legs.

He uses the bathroom and splashes some water in his face, then heads into the gas station to look for snacks. When he spots Eddie by the sweets already holding a bag of Sour Patch Kids (which Buck knows for a fact he doesn’t even like), he gets two cups of coffee instead, one plain black for Eddie.

Back outside by the truck, Eddie accepts the coffee gratefully, taking a sip before smiling at Buck. “Thank you.”

“I saw that you got me Sour Patch Kids,” Buck says with a shrug.

“Who says I didn’t get them for myself?”

Buck just looks at him and Eddie breaks, laughing a little. “Okay, yeah, they’re for you.”

They’re the only ones back already, and there are no other cars at the gas station either. Eddie looks around and kicks one of the tires before he takes a deep breath and straightens his shoulders, looking at Buck with a determined face.

“Listen, Buck, about earlier - I’m not trying to baby you or anything. I know you can take care of yourself, and I know that you were with capable firefighters. It’s just that...it’s weird, not working together, right?”

Buck lets out a breath. Thinks about how Dr Copeland told him to vocalize his feelings, to be honest. “Actually, that was my thing too. The overthinking earlier? I just kept thinking that I wasn’t there to watch your back. And I know it’s stupid and unfair, but I think I was a bit mad that you and Hen just joined other teams, you know?”

Eddie hums. “It all happened so fast, I overheard them talking and they needed a medic, so I volunteered.”

Buck gives him a wry grin. “I figured it was something like that.”

“I should’ve at least told you about it.”

“You don’t really owe me that, though.” Buck shrugs and doesn’t look at Eddie. “You can work with whoever you want.”

“I  _ want _ to work with you.” Eddie’s got a hand on his shoulder now and squeezes, making Buck look up at him. “I didn’t like being out there without you either. Especially knowing now that you almost got run over.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck grins a little, “TK had pretty good reflexes, I was in good hands.”

Eddie’s hand drops from his shoulder and his voice is suddenly flat when he says, “You were?”

“We had a lot in common,” Buck says, and for some reason keeps talking, eager to get the tension that’s suddenly between them to disappear. “I think he thought I was making a move on him though, told me all about his boyfriend. Weird, right?”

“Oh. Well...were you?”

“No! Of course not. I don’t know why he would think that.”

“Chop, chop, boys, back on the truck!” Hen interrupts them, ushering the rest of their crew in front of her. “I want to be home in time for breakfast.”

Rachel takes the driver’s seat for the last shift and Greg gets in the front with her. Buck ends up sandwiched between Eddie and the window again, which is fine with him. 

As the truck roars to life around them, Eddie nudges his shoulder against Buck’s. “Next time, let’s at least do the dumb stuff together, alright? No more stealing trucks without me.”

Buck laughs. “Promise.”

He shoves a handful of Sour Patch Kids in his mouth and pulls his phone out, looking through a few texts from Maddie, one from Bobby asking if everything went okay, until he comes across a notification from Instagram. 

“Hey,” he tells Eddie, “Firefox followed me back!”

Eddie makes an entirely unconvincing surprised face, and Buck narrows his eyes at him. “Did you tell her to do that?”

“...what if I did?”

Buck rolls his eyes. “You didn’t have to, Eddie, I would’ve survived the famous Firefox not following me. Was she as badass in real life?”

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie says. “A total badass, just like you said. Reminded me a bit of you sometimes.”

“Don’t put any ideas into his head, Eddie,” Hen interrupts them, and Buck totally forgot she was right there next to them. “I looked at that girl’s instagram and I don’t need you to recreate any of it, Buck.”

“I promise I won’t do it on purpose.” Buck gives her a shit-eating grin and she hits him over the head with her notebook, shaking her head.

“Anyway, I saw that she follows you too, Eddie,” Hen says, wiggling her eyebrows. “So you had time to exchange instagram handles when you weren’t cutting people’s chests open together?”

The jealousy that Buck shoved down so carefully rears its head again and he squashes it angrily, plastering on what he hopes is a mildly curious expression just in time for the second-long look Eddie gives him before he glares at Hen.

“We had some time while we were waiting for Judd and Paul to come back. Just compared profiles, that’s all.”

“But yours doesn’t have any work stuff on it.”

Eddie shrugs. “That’s what I told her too. So we talked about Chris for a while, and she asked about Buck.”

“What about me?” Buck asks, and Hen leans closer with a grin that Buck can’t read.

“Yeah, what about Buck?”

Eddie winces. “She also thought you were staring at her.”

“Well, I was,” Buck huffs, frustrated, “but why does everyone always assume the worst?”

“I told her you were mostly harmless.”

Hen cackles, delighted, then claps a hand over her mouth with a guilty look at Sara and John. “You know we’re just teasing, Buckaroo.”

And it’s fine, he doesn’t mind that, it’s just- “You know I’m, uh, way past that though, right?”

Hen’s face softens and she leans over to pat his knee. “Yeah, Buck, we do.”

She yawns then, leaning back again and taking a long look at the notebook she hit Buck with earlier.

“Get some sleep, Hen,” Eddie says. “It’s too dark to see anything anyway, and your kids are gonna want to hear about your trip tomorrow morning.”

“Maybe don’t tell them how last minute it was, but make sure to highlight how Eddie and me rescued you,” Buck teases and Hen rolls her eyes.

“Sure, that’s what I’ll focus on.”

Buck grins. “Goodnight, Hen.”

She waves him off and puts her earphones in before closing her eyes. As firefighters, they’re all decent at sleeping where- and whenever they can, but the back of a fire truck is a challenge anyway. Buck’s still feeling wrung-out, but he’s not sure he can fall asleep again.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie says so quietly Buck almost doesn’t hear it. When he looks over at him, he looks...determined, somehow. “You said you weren’t flirting with TK...I- I wasn’t flirting with Marjan either.”

It’s like all of the air has been sucked out of the cabin. Buck stares at Eddie who stares back, neither of them saying a word. Eddie’s nostrils flare, and it’s the only thing that betrays his nerves.

Buck swallows and wets his lips, and- he’s pretty sure Eddie’s eyes track the movement.

Okay.

So maybe Eddie is actually saying what it sounds like?

“Yeah?” he whispers, and Eddie smiles a little and nods, some of the nervousness on his face giving way to relief.

“Just thought you should know that,” Eddie says carefully, finally looking away from Buck to glance at their sleeping co-workers. “But maybe we can continue this conversation somewhere more private?”

Buck isn’t sure what conversation they’re even having, but he nods anyway, still staring at Eddie. “O- Okay, yeah, let’s...let’s do that.”

He’s...pretty sure Eddie just let him know in a roundabout way that he’s interested in him. That  _ is _ what happened right? Why else would he tell Buck he wasn’t flirting with Marjan? Or is it all just wishful thinking? But then there was that moment when Eddie was definitely looking at his lips, and Buck  _ knows _ he wasn’t imagining that. Eddie also bought him Sour Patch Kids. And let him sleep on his shoulder. And that was just tonight! It has to mean something, he can’t be misreading this. But what if he is? He’s wondered before, but Eddie never did anything and - if he messes up what they have now, he’ll lose the best thing in his life. Eddie and Chris mean so much to him, he can’t risk losing them because he interpreted something his best friend said wrong.

He doesn’t notice he’s bouncing his knee until Eddie places a hand on it. Buck stills, his thoughts grinding to a halt as well. 

“Buck,” Eddie says quietly, his hand a reassuring pressure. 

He looks at Buck and there’s something in his eyes that makes the panic disappear, leaving a weird sense of surety behind. They’re Buck and Eddie. They’ll figure this out too.

With a smile, Buck slides his hand over Eddie’s on his thigh and squeezes it.

When Buck wakes up, the sun has risen and Eddie’s hand is still on his thigh, his head on Buck’s shoulder. He smiles quietly and stays still, wants to let Eddie rest for as long as possible. Outside the window, the buildings and street signs suggest they’re already in LA, and Buck can’t wait to get out of this truck. They’ve all got three days off after this, and he can’t wait to stretch out on a proper bed. Maybe, if things go right, Eddie might want to join him…

Eddie’s hand on his thigh twitches, then clenches in the fabric of his pants before he fully wakes up and relaxes again. Buck’s seen this happen before, how Eddie sometimes startles awake and doesn’t know where he is for a moment, how he needs a second to realize he’s safe and can relax. And now, with the helicopter crash barely 48 hours behind them, it’s no surprise that it happened. 

Eddie brushed him off when he asked about it yesterday, but maybe he’ll revisit the topic when they’re alone and have the time.

“You okay?” Buck murmurs, and Eddie lifts his head from his shoulder.

Buck’s hoodie left a few lines on his cheek and he looks sleepy, but the smile he gives Buck is genuine and soft.

“Yeah. We almost home?”

“20 minutes, if traffic allows it,” Hen says, and Buck and Eddie both turn to her. Eddie withdraws his hand from Buck’s thigh and Buck thinks he probably also forgot they’re not alone. Oops.

The last part of the drive drags. LA traffic slows them down, everyone is tired and cranky, and Eddie’s thigh is pressed against Buck’s, a steady heat that makes it impossible for Buck to form a coherent thought.

When they finally roll up to the 118, he feels hot and jittery and can’t look Eddie in the eye for fear of what he’ll do. He jumps out of the truck as soon as they’re parked inside the station, waving at Bobby and Chimney, grateful for the distraction.

“Wow, you all look like you just spent 20 hours in a tin can,” Chim says instead of a hello.

“Ha, ha,” Buck makes sarcastically, and Chimney grins, grabbing Buck by the arms in greeting.

“Glad you’re back, Buckaroo.” He’s a softie, deep down.

Bobby gives him a hug and a stern look. “I hear we’ll have a few things to talk about.”

Buck groans. “You heard? Bobby, come on, it was  _ Hen _ . We couldn’t just leave her.”

“You’re lucky it worked out,” Bobby says, but Buck knows he’s not actually angry. They all would’ve done the same thing.

Bobby lets him go and addresses all the Texas returnees. “Good job, everyone, and welcome back. We’ll take care of restocking the truck, you can all go home and get some sleep. I’m sure it’s been a tough few days. Vasquez, you can give me a short update now, but we’ll leave the full report until later too.”

Sara nods in relief and follows Bobby to his office while the rest of them grab their luggage and stumble tiredly to the locker room or directly to their cars. Greg just grabs his keys from his locker and waves at them all in passing.

“Good working with you guys,” he calls and they all echo the sentiment as he leaves.

Hen nudges Buck where he’s sunk down on the bench. “Don’t fall asleep here, Buck. You good to get home?”

“Yeah, thanks Hen.” He’s not even that tired, honestly, the electricity buzzing under his skin keeping him awake. “Say hi to Karen and the kids from me.”

“Will do. Bye, boys! Sleep tight!” She leaves with one last wave to both of them, and then it’s finally just Buck and Eddie left.

Slowly, Buck stands and opens his locker. This is what he wanted, to be alone with Eddie, but he’s not sure what comes next.

“Hey.” Eddie’s leaning against the locker next to Buck’s, gazing at him with a hopeful expression that makes Buck’s heart race. “Come home with me? I don’t have to pick Christopher up until after school, and he’s gonna want to see you too, anyway.”

Buck smiles, doesn’t even have to think about the answer. “Okay, yeah.”

They grab their stuff and wave goodbye to the current shift before heading out to the parking lot. Eddie’s hand on his lower back guiding Buck to his car kicks the buzzing under his skin up another few notches, and he speeds up a little. Behind him, Eddie laughs.

“Got somewhere to be, Buckley?” he teases.

“You promised me a conversation,” Buck says, and to his delight sees Eddie’s ears redden again. “It’s cute that just your ears blush.”

“Shut up,” Eddie says, but it sounds fond and Buck grins, hopping a little on the last few steps to Eddie’s car. Yeah, they’re doing this and yeah, they’re gonna be fine.

The drive is quiet, the only sound the radio on low volume, but Buck keeps looking at Eddie and Eddie keeps looking back, and every time their eyes meet, Buck’s stomach swoops in excitement.

“Eyes on the road,” he says one time when Eddie stares for too long, and Eddie just snorts but does as he’s told.

Eddie lets them into his house and they both drop their bags in the hallway, toeing off their shoes before Buck follows Eddie into the kitchen. He’s handed a glass of water and takes a sip, endeared by the man currently leaning against the kitchen counter opposite him. Buck leans back, too, watching.

“So…” he starts, and Eddie sets his own glass down, rubbing at his face before he looks at Buck.

“You could’ve died.”

That’s not at all what Buck expected him to say. “Eddie, that’s our job. We’re always putting ourselves in danger and hope that our and our team’s competence gets us out of there alive. This was no different.”

“I know,” Eddie says. “I know that every time we get a call. But...I wasn’t there with you this time, and it made me realize. It’s so  _ stupid _ . So stupid to keep this from you, to hold back, when there’s a chance I might never get to tell you. Especially now that I think there might not even be a reason to.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out, crossing the kitchen in two big steps until he’s right in front of Eddie. “If that’s what you’re trying to say. And if...if it’s not- you should still know. I love you, Eddie.”

When Eddie reaches up and tenderly cradles Buck’s face, Buck closes his eyes and presses his forehead against Eddie’s softly. The buzzing under his skin is still there but it’s subdued now. They can get to that later.

Buck places his hands on Eddie’s waist and Eddie breathes out, brushes his nose against Buck’s softly. Buck smiles.

“I love you, too,” Eddie says into the space between their lips, and then his smile is pressed against Buck’s, his hands sliding to the back of his head, and it’s not really a kiss, but it’s  _ Eddie- _

Buck pulls back, laughing, and Eddie is grinning at him, looking completely love drunk and saying, “Let’s try that again,” before leaning in again, taking Buck’s lower lip between his and then licking into his mouth eagerly.

And this time, it’s  _ definitely _ a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos & comments are what keeps me going 🧡  
> come say hi on [tumblr](https://buckactuallys.tumblr.com/)!


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